By: Anthony Danilov
About 30 years ago, my mother took a risk and shook the foundations of what she knew her life to be. She came to America, not only to provide better for her children, but also to escape the life she had in Ukraine.
This story starts with a man who had no relation to me but was the father of my brother and sister, and my mother’s first husband. A husband who, while a good father, did not know how to treat a woman with respect or truly love her. I don’t know the whole backstory of how they met, but I do know that he was a very absent husband. However, he was one of the major reasons for my mom wanting to leave where she was. After having their first child, my sister, and then their second, my brother, he started to become absent in my mother’s life. This is what eventually lead to the path of their father cheating on our mother.
Every time my mother tells me this story I completely lose it and can’t imagine the pain and turmoil that she went through. My mother and her husband at the time had, of course, a rocky relationship already, but many nights started to occur when he wouldn’t come home. One day, after many sleepless nights and paranoia, she decided to follow her husband through his day and see what he was really up to, and lo and behold caught him in the act with another woman. This completely broke my mother’s heart. So many years of dedication to not only this relationship but this family and all of it he throws away for another woman. She couldn’t handle the reality of it all and ended up a shell of a woman for many months.
The day after she found out, she came back from work to find that her husband had completely emptied their apartment. My mom says, “Every trace of him was gone; it’s as if he never lived in the house.” So not only did she come to the realization that their relationship was a lie, but the support in her life that helped her take care of her two kids was completely swept up from her feet. You would think that this pushed my mother past her breaking point, but how she arose from all these obstacles thrown her way is what is so inspiring about her and why she’ll always be my role model. She pushed on and she kept going. She kept going. Even with the pain in her heart, she knew that she had so much more to live for and children who needed her support and love. They needed a mother.
Though broken, she continued with work and eventually found someone who could help pick up the pieces, someone who would become the glue necessary to bring back her sense of life and family. That someone was my father.
By happenstance, my father, originally from Russia, was placed to work in the same hospital as my mom after serving in the military. He was known as the new guy in the hospital and was known for wisecracks and charm – and my mom was immediately intrigued.
I am forever grateful. because he brought much-needed light and love into my mother’s life. She sort of experienced a newfound appreciation for life, she says. And as their love blossomed and eventually turned into a marriage, other opportunities started to blossom behind the scenes.
Before fully migrating her family to America, she decided to visit one of her childhood friends who had now moved to New Jersey and lived there. In her time away from her children and my father, she had been introduced to a whole new world. Even though she was a fish out of water, the endless amount of opportunities excited her, and she knew she could make it work. With her friend promising to help provide her with a job once she fully moved to the States, my mom tried her luck at getting a green card.
I am here today, so it’s safe to say that just like meeting my dad and establishing a life for herself and her family in America, the green card was granted to her just like all these other blessings. My mother is the strongest person I know, and my dad is her biggest supporter. Of course, my brother and sister didn’t know why they were leaving their home at that age, but for my dad to be by her side even though he was new to the family and had a lot to learn says enough about the power of love and faith.
So my family came to America, and obviously, it was one of the hardest things they had ever done. Putting aside learning a whole new complete language but having to go back to school and also work jobs they had never worked before, like as housekeepers or at the car wash, to live in a crummy apartment that would provide the bare minimum, their grind never stopped. No matter the obstacles, they constantly persevered. My siblings excelled in school and were immediately placed into honors classes. Both my parents received their associate degrees and through countless jobs eventually landed positions in their medical fields; my dad is a radiologist technician and my mother is a dental hygienist. All this while eventually raising a third child: me.
Fast forward to now, and they’ve moved from a one-bedroom apartment in Queens, New York to owning their own house in New Jersey. Their daughter is a nurse anesthetist with a master’s degree from Columbia and their oldest son is on his way to receiving his Ph.D. in choral conducting. Their youngest is finding his way in life with big dreams of becoming a music critic, and is constantly writing. He has the pleasure of calling these people his family and they will forever be an example of strength and perseverance. There won’t be a day that he won’t look up to them and recognize how far they’ve come. If they can make it here, then truly anything is possible.
For anyone studying immigration law or in need of help with a visa or green card case, go check out the article “The Rollercoaster of Immigration Law and the Road to a Green Card and Citizenship.”