“I’m a nursing major, and between clinicals, exams, and barely getting any sleep, the last thing I needed was relationship drama. But here we are. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now—he’s the typical athlete type, always working out, super popular, and honestly, I thought we were solid. That was until last weekend.
I was hanging out at his apartment, waiting for him to get back from practice when his phone buzzed. It was unlocked, so I glanced over, and what I saw made my stomach drop: a text from a guy named ‘Chris’ saying, ‘Last night was crazy, I can’t stop thinking about it.’
I knew this ‘Chris’—he was always around, supposedly just a friend. But my gut told me something was off. I went down a rabbit hole, scrolling through their texts, and it was all there. My boyfriend has been hooking up with Chris behind my back for months. And not just random stuff—explicit, detailed messages about the nights they spent together. They’d been having sex, meeting up after practice, and worse—there were videos.
The most insane part? He never even mentioned being into guys. I had no clue. I’ve always been supportive of LGBTQ people, but finding out like this? That he’s been lying to me the whole time? It’s like my whole relationship was built on a lie. Now I’m stuck. Do I confront him and risk the embarrassment of being ‘that girl’ whose boyfriend was secretly hooking up with a guy? Or just break it off and never tell him I know?“
Hello Bergen Student!
Wow.
Where to begin…
First, embarrassment should never be the primary factor when it comes to decision making. If we avoid challenges due to sole humiliation, we will never know humility.
Second, if you and your boyfriend were in a long-term relationship, then enough maturity should exist to have a difficult conversation. I think it’s best to be direct and explain the situation. Keep in mind, you must admit that you violated his privacy by going through his phone.
Now, I would say “confronting” isn’t the right approach to this conversation. I think we should keep this quick and clean. If your boyfriend has been cheating on you for months…he is not worth your time—and neither are theatrics. Speak to him privately and in person. Tell him that you’re aware of his intimacy with Chris, and therefore, you’re breaking up. Additionally, I would assure that his sexuality is protected. Ultimately, it’s none of your business as to who he cheats with, but it’s certainly your right to know that it is happening.
Personally, this would have to conclude our friendship as well. If your boyfriend truly respected you, he would’ve broken up with you the moment he began entertaining Chris. Instead, he repeatedly betrayed your trust and intends to continue so. His principles obviously diverge from yours, therefore, it’s in your best interest to find new influences.
Most importantly, be firm in your decision. Don’t allow your boyfriend to create excuses or request second chances. Maintain your dignity and self respect. However, keep an open heart to forgive. If he’s truly sorry, let it end on peaceful terms.
—The Torch