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Burning Questions submissions to the Torch are entirely anonymous. The Torch has no way of verifying the information and has no knowledge of the participants’ identities. Our goal is to provide a safe space where students can ask for advice, free of judgment and exposure to unwanted attention.
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“I’ve always prided myself on maintaining healthy boundaries with my professors, but this semester, one of them has crossed the line. Let’s call him Professor X. I’ve always had great rapport with him in class, and he’s helped me a lot academically, but recently things have gotten… weird. It started with him offering to ‘mentor’ me after class, which I thought was innocent enough. But then, the texts started. At first, they were about homework or upcoming projects. Then, late at night, I’d get a ‘how was your day?’ or ‘what are you up to?’ message. Weird, right?
Then came the dinner invite. He said it was to ‘discuss my future’ and that I had a lot of potential. Feeling uneasy but not wanting to offend him, I went. The conversation was professional at first, but soon, it turned personal. He asked if I had a boyfriend, what my ‘type’ was, and whether I’d be interested in ‘dating someone older.’
I felt trapped. I want to report him, but he’s a well-liked professor, and I’m scared no one will believe me. What should I do? Should I confront him? Report it? Or keep quiet and just hope it doesn’t escalate? I’m stuck, and I don’t know where to turn.“
Hi Bergen Student,
There are several factors to consider in this submission; however, to be completely clear: your professor engaged in unprofessional behavior that needs to be addressed.
No professor should mentor students with the ulterior motive of romance. Unfairly, he used this academic front to pursue something personal. I understand the pressure you felt to go along with his friendliness. In your position, I would worry about jeopardizing my grades and possibly damaging a good connection with an otherwise lovely professor.
Professor X took advantage of you. He has a duty to guide students toward success, not to corner them into making unwise, uncomfortable decisions. If he had sincere intentions, he would have stated his romantic interest directly. Instead, it sounds like he gradually lured you into a date under the guise of academia. Do Professor X’s actions show respect for you? Is this older man unaware that he jeopardizes your academic integrity? I would argue he recognized a bright student who values their education. In his position of power, he can hold that over your head, seeking a return for his mentoring. This is completely inappropriate.
On the other hand, I would question why you accepted his dinner invitation. Did you not cross your own boundaries? While we are victims in this situation, we must still maintain personal responsibility. You knew his texts were becoming informal and felt uneasy about the dinner. By saying yes without clarifying his intentions beforehand, you illustrated that you were willing to subject yourself to a questionable outside-of-school interaction. I highlight this not to shame you, but for your safety. If you entertain his texts and dinner, how can you tangibly prove your innocence? Nothing good comes from sacrificing personal values. Please trust your instincts!
Should you report him? Although I have only heard one side, I would strongly encourage you to do so. While I do not know who Professor X is—or his exact texts, mannerisms, or dialogue—it is evident that he initiated unprofessional acts and violated school policies.
According to the Bergen Community College Employee Code of Professional Conduct, it clearly states that “employees must refrain from romantic relationships with an individual whom they supervise. Faculty members shall not engage in romantic relationships with a student for whom the faculty member has any academic responsibility (such as having the student in his or her course, mentoring or otherwise advising the student, writing letters of recommendation for the student, etc.). If a supervisor becomes involved in a romantic relationship with someone he or she supervises, the supervisor must disclose this to the director of Human Resources so that an appropriate transfer of supervisory authority can occur.”
Never let fear guide you. Professor X broke an employee policy; therefore, you have a valid reason to report him. It is not your responsibility to convince the Bergen administration but merely to inform them. Therefore, don’t worry if people don’t believe you. Opinions don’t alter the truth.
We wish you clarity and courage!
—The Torch
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If you are experiencing something similar, or have in the past, please reach out to the appropriate campus resource. We encourage you to take action and not withhold such details.
Reach out to HumanResourcesGroup@Bergen.edu to report inappropriate behaviors and/or harassments.
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