Q.
“I have a boyfriend, he knows I’m bi but I’m scared I’II get bored and wanna experiment with women. Yes I see a future with him, why else would I date him? but i also wanna experiment and see if a man is even what I want. I love him but I’m torn”
A.
Hi Bergen Student!
Here are three aspects you should consider before making your decision:
- Your submission is primarily focused on the future. You mention that you “see a future” with your boyfriend, and the dilemma is based on a “what if.” Essentially, you’re worried Future-You won’t be satisfied with your current decisions. First, I would recommend focusing on the present to better gauge your actual feelings. When you’re with him, how do you feel? Second, acknowledge that your uncertainty is much less rooted to this specific relationship, and more toward sexuality.
- It sounds like you’re justifying your feelings through clarifying that you want to experiment with girls. To help identify your true desires, it may add clarity to restate the sentence as, “I’m scared I’ll get bored and [want] to experiment with other individuals.” Simply, you believe your boyfriend will eventually bore you. Are you presently fulfilled in this relationship? How would you feel if he proposed to you tomorrow?
- It’s evident that you value your boyfriend; however, you don’t owe him your love—only respect. If you’re constantly thinking about experimenting, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. It’s too serious of a commitment for your current mindset. Approach relationships once you have a long-term goal with distinctive values and expectations. This should significantly narrow down the demographic, therefore, preventing unnecessary confusion!
Thank you for your vulnerability! Remember, it’s important to be truthful to yourself and others! Honesty will straighten out the situation and reward with a clear conscience.
—The Torch