Q.
“I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome (Autism) at age 4 and trying really hard to make new friends and socially interact more with other people and it’s one of my biggest struggles right now. I tend to say stuff impulsively and I do not realize that what I say can affect others even though I don’t do it intentionally. How to start a conversation is a big struggle for me being that I always ask a question to someone when I’m looking to interact with other people on campus. [What] I have a hard time with is when people are talking I blabber stuff in the middle of a sentence and I tend to not let people finish even though it’s not what I’m looking to do. I really need your help and advice because it’s the hardest thing for me and always has been. I’m also a musician, I play the bass (electric, electric upright), and currently play in both the pop rock and jazz ensembles at Bergen.”
A.
Hi Bergen Musician!
Did you know that one in four Americans consider themselves to be socially awkward? In fact, the majority of this percentage identify as young adults under thirty. This being said, if you feel that your efforts to make connections with other students aren’t yielding results, don’t stress.
First, instead of aiming to expand your social circle, I want you to consider the traits that you wish for in a friend. Do you want to befriend someone who appreciates music just as much as you do? What talents do they possess? Do you value virtues, such as honesty, intelligence, or patience? Once you’ve established the important qualities in a friend, then imagine where you would most likely find them. If you’ve imagined someone who is intelligent, check the tutoring center; or if they’re artistic, hang out in the art building! If you want someone who is kind, I would recommend getting involved with a club that runs charities and volunteer work! That’s a great way to meet people who are looking to make heart-felt impacts!
I understand your struggle to start and maintain conversations with people. However, recognize that impulsivity can be a great tool for social interaction! To act without much thought can allow you to push past feelings of anxiety that stop most from even trying to engage. Therefore, your ability to communicate is actually very useful (and greatly appreciated) by introverts. So don’t overthink it! However, on days where you find yourself accidentally insulting someone, create the goal to then find someone to compliment. Not only does this immediately brighten someone’s day, but it balances out bad social interactions with the good.
Three points to remember whenever you’re discouraged are to not overthink; remember friends are about quality—not quantity; and to make the best of your nature! I hope this helps!
Good luck!
—The Torch