By: Cyril Rikh
In today’s world, the average person spends about four and a half hours on their cellphone every day, according to Statista, a global data platform. Much of our communication is moving online. Cellphones and computers, the devices most often used for communication, help people connect with each other easily and appear to make handling romantic relationships easier. Nearly 70% percent of people on dating apps say it led to a romantic relationship, according to Forbes Health, while the website Remodel or Move found only about 50% can say the same for in-person dates. While computers and dating apps both appear to facilitate success in romantic relationships, the extent of their helpfulness is limited by certain challenges: the idealized self-representation online, the myth of the long-distance relationship, and the potential to be a distraction.
Online, people tend to present themselves in an idealized way and avoid exposing their flaws. People do this often enough that apps worth hundreds of millions of dollars exist as a result, namely FaceTune. Valued at $1.8 billion by TechCrunch, a news website about technology, FaceTune allows users to modify nearly every aspect of their photos to ensure they look good. When someone presents themselves in an idealized way, a potential partner who looks at their social media posts may end up with high expectations and, therefore, be disappointed when they meet them in person. Starting the relationship on the right foot will be challenging, as at least one partner will already feel deceived, decreasing the couple’s mutual trust, which can lead to problems in the future. Overall, it’s clear that people’s tendencies to present themselves in an idealized way online can lead to challenges in developing a successful romantic relationship.
Another challenge arising from communication technology is what I refer to as the myth of long-distance romantic relationships. Long-distance relationships are those in which the partners are geographically distant and connect through communication technology, such as a cell phone. According to RelationshipsAdvice.co, ninety percent of long-distance relationships do not lead to marriage, so for those whose goal in a romantic relationship is to get married, the effort and time investment partners put into long-distance relationships could feel pointless. What this statistic illustrates is that communication technology is lacking in its ability to facilitate intimacy, a necessary part of a romantic relationship. Communicating through technology alone can’t replicate physical touch or other in-person romantic gestures necessary for a successful romantic relationship, making long-distance romantic relationships a myth.
One last challenge communication technology presents to romantic relationships is that it can distract romantic partners from each other, thanks to the addictive nature of mass communication platforms such as TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat. Consider two partners taking a casual walk. During their walk, the partners may have conversations where they open up about their private thoughts, feelings, and struggles. These conversations may help partners connect over their common vulnerabilities and are an effective way to strengthen the relationship. However, as Pew Research found, fifty-one percent of partnered adults say their partner is often or sometimes distracted by their cellphone during conversations. The partner distracted by their cellphone is not listening to their significant other, which can be frustrating. The business world further reinforces that communication is more effective without distracting technology. According to leadership coach Simon Sinek, when a company he coached banned cellphones in conference rooms, the meeting times decreased, indicating that communication between participants was more effective.
Others might believe that communication technology facilitates success to a large extent in romantic relationships because it makes it easier for people to meet people they are compatible with. The underlying assumption is that finding the right person will significantly increase the chances of a successful romantic relationship. People’s preferences change over time, so partners must communicate well for an extended period to adapt to change for the relationship to work, according to Professor Ronald Adler, author of Understanding Human Communication. Unfortunately, communication technology makes that harder, limiting people’s ability to achieve a long-term romantic relationship.
In a world where the role of the internet and other communications technologies continues to grow, it’s important to remember that even the best technology has its limits. When it comes to cultivating a successful romantic relationship, people are largely on their own.
